hey there.


i just need to talk.

i am happy that i have a new job. better hours, good pay, and nice people.
i'm beyond grateful for my dysfuntioncal family that is always there for me.
i am blessed to have true friends in my life that would run to the ends of the earth and back to protect my heart. (& i would do the same.)

some days my heart is so heavy i feel i may cry because of the sheer weight of it. & most times, i do.
i wish my financies weren't as bad as they are.
there are times i want to go back and change most of the stupid desicions i've made in my life.

sometimes i am sad because i am 25, single, with no kids. & sometimes i get annoyed when people say i'm still young. i know that. stop telling me.
i hate that i care so much for someone who doesn't feel the same. he isn't a horrible person. he has a lot of growing up to do. i'm just pretty sure i won't be around when he finally does.

i don't trust most people.
i miss when my life showed that i was truly running after the heart of God. i'm not sure when that stopped. :/
sometimes i feel like everyone has it together, but me. (even though i know that isn't true, deep down.)
i'm annoyed that i haven't emailed a single person back that took the time to do so over a month ago. i'm sorry. it was appreciated. i promise. i haven't forgotten.

i am beyond happy with my new tattoo. it makes number four. it needs a bit of touching up, but overall i'm over the moon about it!
i have been working out for over 2 months. sometimes i can't tell if anything has changed. but most days i'm just proud that i'm still sticking with it.
i desperately need a new book to read.
when the opportunity arises, i'm making a small weekend trip to dallas. i miss it and the people so very much.
my sister should be having her baby girl any day now. (first girl in the family for the aunts, uncles, and grandparents)
oh, and i miss blogging.
happy thursday.


  1. Hope you're okay missus, I understand how much of a burden finances can be...I'm so lucky to be getting a student loan that will cover my debts that I don't have to pay back until earn over a certain amount so that's finally a weight lifted off my chest after so many years!

  2. It's so good to read something from you again :) You've been on my mind a lot lately for some reason, and I've been meaning to email you and check up on you.

    I'm glad to hear you have a better job! I'm working on that myself! I know what you mean about not trusting people. I struggle with that too and I hate that I feel that way. I also feel like the whold world has it toether except me. You're not alone in that!

    Love you, girl! I'm only an email away if you ever need to chat!

  3. i feel like i just read a page out of my own journal. i know EXACTLY how it feels everything just becomes so weighty, particularly the saddness. i've spent a lot of days crying because of it, and trying to figure out how to heal. i hope you feel better, and i hope you know you're not alone! ♥

  4. I completely relate to the part where your life showed you were truly running after the heart of God... I look at my own life and have absolutely no idea when that stopped in my life as well. I will be praying for that hunger to return to your spirit. There is a song I think you need to listen to... it's called "Cripple Me" by Elenowen. That's my heartcry in that situation and I know it will rekindle something inside your soul.

  5. What a beautiful post, thank you for sharing, I'm glad I found your page xxx

  6. I feel the same way about what you've posted. Sometimes we just need to talk. And sometimes you don't need anyone to talk back. You just need to talk and only you.. getting everything out on the table is always good for your body and soul :)