Ruts are no fun.

[instagram: theplaidsparrow]

Hey there. 

Could I be honest with you for just a moment?

Yes. 

Ok.

 Here it goes:

My life is a mess.

I do not have it all together, despite how it may seem on this little blog of mine at times.

I am just as broken, lost, flawed, and imperfect as everyone else. 

I beat myself down more than anyone I know.

I run from people who mean the most to me, because I feel like I can conquer my struggles alone.

I guess I don't want to drag them through the dirt, so to speak.

Some days, I am so happy and bubbly on the outside, but feel so hurt and sad on the inside.

I become overwhelmed with stress & worry. 

I don't like it.

Who would?

But I feel those things...

not everyday, but more often than I'd like. 

In spite of all that, I know that I have hope.

I have been given a promise by my sweet Father.

I am learning to love myself more through His love and grace.

I'm learning patience.

In all that I am also searching for healing.

It's taking a bit longer than I'd hoped, but I'm getting there.

Slowly, but surely.

Life really is a beautiful gift.

PS. Through this season, God is blessing me with wonderful friendships.

It has given me great encouragement just to know such strong & caring women.

For that, I would really love to hear what is going on in your lives.

Whether that be commenting below or shooting me an email.

& no matter how small it may seem, I'd love to hear about it!

as always, much love.

xoxo.

If you asked me...

If you asked me ... I'd tell you that this morning was beautiful. That in between all the joys and struggles, the Lord always shows up ... even when I don't think He does. When I whisper the sweet name of "Jesus" softly under my breathe, my heart feels at peace with the world. 

If you asked me ... I would tell you that I can't wait to be married one day. I look forward to having little kiddos running around, but for now ... I'm content with not having any. ;)

If you asked me ... I would tell you that just because I am always nice, doesn't mean I always like everyone. People can be cruel. They can be mean. But, there are also those who fill my life with love and laughter. I am so grateful for them. 

If you asked me ... I would tell you that I worry too much about what people think of me. I tend to seek the approval of what my life is worth through others, instead of from the Lord. I hate that. 

If you asked me ... I would tell you that I love watching sad movies. They remind me that life is short, beautiful, and messy.

If you asked me ... I would tell you that though I do not always talk about it, I worry about my weight.

If you asked me ... I would tell you that I haven't always been the greatest friend. I try. Sometimes I fail. I'm still working on it.

If you asked me  ... I would tell you that sometimes I am selfish. We all are in some ways. I pray that God would help me in that area of my life.

If you asked me ... I would tell you I don't like taking family trips. We all end up arguing or mad at each other. So, I would rather arrive seperate. :/

If you asked me ... I would tell you that I watched 'Dirty Dancing' this afternoon, for the millionth time in my life. And that Patrick Swayze still makes me swoon after all these years. ;)



If you asked me ... I would tell you that I dream of a day when I wake up and don't feel anxious over my worries and fears. {{That will be a beautiful day!!}}

If you asked me ... I would tell you that some of my favorite days are the quiet ones. The days filled with coffee, books, blankets, and a notebook.

"Take delight in Him, and he will give you the desire's of your heart." - Psalm 37:4

a stirring of my heart.

"To everything there is a season. A time for every purpose under Heaven."
-Ecclesiastes 3:1

There are some days that I just feel so overwhelmed.
The journey down this road we call life is not always an easy one to follow.

There are moments - days - when my anxiety gets the best of me.
I find myself constantly worrying.
I worry about how I will ever get caught up on school loans and make all my bills on time.
I worry about how I can be a better friend.
I worry about how I be the best example of Christ to my family. (& if I fail, how I can change that..)
I worry about how I can lift the burdens of those I love so dearly.
I worry that I am too sensitive.
I worry about those I do not know, but who need our love and encouragement.
I worry about if I will have truly done what the Lord has asked of me in this life, when He returns.

I worry, worry, worry.
I have a mind that rarely shuts off for I feel there is always something to be done, someone to help, or ways to be a better person.
I feel things with such a deep passion and love.
This in many ways is a blessing and a burden.
And because of that, I find myself tired.
So. very. tired.

In those moments I ask God when this season will pass.
I wonder if my next chapter is being written or if I have to continue to fight through it to see that shining light around the corner.

There is definitely a season for everything.
We all experience them, good and bad.
However, who I am isn't going to change.
I am still going to worry.
I am still going to love others so deeply and want to lift their burdens from their shoulders.
I am still going to fret about bills.
That is a part of life and a part of me.

The one thing God has been speaking to me is that I shouldn't change, but that I should give those worries to Him.
I've always known this, but I'm a "fixer".
You know, someone who thinks that if they work hard enough, love more, and pray - that it will somehow all fall together how I pictured in my mind.
Yea, God doesn't really work like that.
He has His own plan.
I forget that at times.

This morning God reminded me that He is enough.
He is there for me when life gets messy or difficult.
He says to me, "Daughter, I love you. I will hold you in my arms and keep you safe. There will be no worries for I will take them away. You are my beloved. I cherish you."
His love for me can be overwhelming at times that I find myself on the brink of tears.
Isn't it amazing?
That I am but just a small speck in the universe, yet I matter so much to Him!? :)
He feels the same you!
Never forget that.
Ever.

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30

(instagram: sofifiicom)