I had to ...

I just got home from work not too long ago.
The first thing I find out online is the news that Whitney Houston had passed away this afternoon at 3:00.

As many know of me, I am a pritty emotional person.

I can feel so strongly for people I don't even know.

It may be weird, but hey, it's who I am. 

My heart goes out to her family right now.

I mean she has a 19 year old daughter, who is left with a father who isn't really a role model in any sense of the word.

It breaks my heart.

You hear about how Clive Davis discovered Whitney, and how her voice was like no other.

It definitely was distinct. 

I can't tell you how many times I have seen people try to remake a Whitney song.

People only wishing they could have the talent that God had blessed her with. 

Though, we are unsure at the moment what the cause of death was ... we are all thinking the same thing.

Drugs.

What a sad end to such a beautiful talent!

Sometimes I wondered what would have happened with her and her career had she never married Bobby Brown. 

I mean, we all make our own choices. Good and bad.

She could have wound up marrying someone just as similar to him.

But what if she hadn't ... would the sound of her voice still echo through the speakers of our car radios?

What if her vocals weren't damaged from years of drug and alcohol abuse?

I'm not sure.

I would like to hope that the outcome would have been different.

All I know is that I wish her family peace and comfort during this time. 

You know, the first time I ever knew who Whitney Houston was was when I watched 'The Bodyguard'.

The performances given by her and Kevin Costner were amazing.

I could see that even at 11 or 12 years old.

When she started singing "I Will Always Love You", I'm pretty sure a little piece of heaven opened up and shined down. 

I really do.




Thank you, Whitney. 
I pray that you have found rest for your soul.

a stirring of my heart.

"To everything there is a season. A time for every purpose under Heaven."
-Ecclesiastes 3:1

There are some days that I just feel so overwhelmed.
The journey down this road we call life is not always an easy one to follow.

There are moments - days - when my anxiety gets the best of me.
I find myself constantly worrying.
I worry about how I will ever get caught up on school loans and make all my bills on time.
I worry about how I can be a better friend.
I worry about how I be the best example of Christ to my family. (& if I fail, how I can change that..)
I worry about how I can lift the burdens of those I love so dearly.
I worry that I am too sensitive.
I worry about those I do not know, but who need our love and encouragement.
I worry about if I will have truly done what the Lord has asked of me in this life, when He returns.

I worry, worry, worry.
I have a mind that rarely shuts off for I feel there is always something to be done, someone to help, or ways to be a better person.
I feel things with such a deep passion and love.
This in many ways is a blessing and a burden.
And because of that, I find myself tired.
So. very. tired.

In those moments I ask God when this season will pass.
I wonder if my next chapter is being written or if I have to continue to fight through it to see that shining light around the corner.

There is definitely a season for everything.
We all experience them, good and bad.
However, who I am isn't going to change.
I am still going to worry.
I am still going to love others so deeply and want to lift their burdens from their shoulders.
I am still going to fret about bills.
That is a part of life and a part of me.

The one thing God has been speaking to me is that I shouldn't change, but that I should give those worries to Him.
I've always known this, but I'm a "fixer".
You know, someone who thinks that if they work hard enough, love more, and pray - that it will somehow all fall together how I pictured in my mind.
Yea, God doesn't really work like that.
He has His own plan.
I forget that at times.

This morning God reminded me that He is enough.
He is there for me when life gets messy or difficult.
He says to me, "Daughter, I love you. I will hold you in my arms and keep you safe. There will be no worries for I will take them away. You are my beloved. I cherish you."
His love for me can be overwhelming at times that I find myself on the brink of tears.
Isn't it amazing?
That I am but just a small speck in the universe, yet I matter so much to Him!? :)
He feels the same you!
Never forget that.
Ever.

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30

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