The in-between.

Life is a fickle thing, I tell ya.
I find myself caught up in two different worlds, so to speak.

First, I just want to start off by saying that I am a Christian.
I love the Lord with all my heart!
If you are someone who knows me well, then you definitely know this about me.
However, I try not to be one of those over-bearing, in your face, kind of "Christians".
(**quotations are put around christian because it has become such a watered down, misused word.)
I'm one of those "open-minded christians" you hear about, I suppose.

I believe that being a "christian" and being IN the world, but not OF the world is one of the hardest things to do.
I find myself struggling with that a lot!
I remember when I first gave my life to the Lord.
Goodness, what a feeling!
Joy. Happiness. Love. Grace. Peace.
ALL THE TIME!
I was on fire and NOTHING or NO ONE could stop me.

Ah ... but then time moved on.
There have been seasons come and go along the way.
I have seen myself on the very top of the mountain bursting with pure joy.
I've also found myself in the low depths of valley wondering if God were really around at all.
In those times, I questioned God.
I think that is okay to do. I don't believe He was ever mad at me.
For He knows my heart and every emotion, need, and struggle that I face in this life ... I mean, He kinda wrote the story, ya know?! ;)

And along my journey, I have grown.
In that growth, I have changed.
I still LOVE the Lord!
I know that NOTHING can shake that from me.
However, I find myself unsure of the balance between expressing my love for the Lord and not talking about my faith "so much".
The latter has a tendency of pushing people away. : /

We live in a very strange culture and time.
Jesus never sought after the rich or desireable, but just the opposite.
He came to those in their brokeness & brought light to their life.
He didn't judge or down grade those who were "different".
He offered arms to hold them and love to heal them.
I'm still learning how to do that, while not worrying wether someone will like me in the end.
It has been a very hard lesson for me to learn that no matter how much you want people to like you, they just might not.
I'm still working on it.

As I have mentioned in a previous post, some of my conservative friends think I'm more liberal, while my more liberal friends believe I am quite conservatice.
I believe this is funny because on either side, I am judged.
My "conservative" friends believe I should be more traditional. Some even feel the need that everything they talk about be followed by scripture or some type of message that the Lord has sent them.
While, my "liberal" friends believe I should be more open-minded. Though, they do see that I am different than most "christians", they feel my box is still far too small and needs to be expanded.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.'
-Matthew 7: 1-2
(NIV)

It seems like I spend so much time trying to fit into what the world, whether it be of christians or non-believers, EXPECT of me. (This probably steaming from the fact that I am a people pleaser in many ways.)
It makes me so tired trying to keep up with it all.

All I can say is that I love Jesus, I love people, and I'm NOT perfect.
Without Jesus in my life there would be a great void missing, which nothing could fill.
I want to be a better person because of His presence in my life.
His grace is so abundant if we would be willing to accept it!
But every now and again I may say a curse word, I still plan to get another tattoo, I would rather listen to "secular" music sometimes instead of some christian band on the raido, I like people who aren't afraid to be themselves, and I've learned along the way that I have no clue who will or will not enter the gates of heaven based on what they believe ... nor is it my place.

"I'm speaking to you as dear friends. Don't be bluffed into silence or insincerity by the threats of religious bullies. True, they can kill you, but then what can they do? There's nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life -- body and soul -- in his hands. Stand up for me among the people you meet and the Son of Man will stand up for you before all God's angels. But if you pretend you don't know me, do you think I'll defend you before God's angels?"
-Luke 12: 4-5 & 8-9
(The Message)

BE KIND.
BE TRUE.
BE LOVE.
BE YOU.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

Tuesdays with Colie Week 2

taken from page 55 of 'tuesdays with morrie'

Unlike week one, this week's lesson hit me like a ton of bricks.

The other day I spoke about how I tend to worry far too much. : /

I believe that in that worry, I start feeling sorry for myself at times.

Do you have those moments?

I'm sure they happen far more often than we would like to admit.

Every time I read about Morrie in the last stages of his life, it always seems to tug at some emotion in my heart.

It makes me stop and remember that life truly is a beautiful thing.

Mitch says that even for Morrie, a dying man, who could no longer stand, barely wash/feed himself, or pull up his pants thought that he was lucky.

LUCKY!

Can you believe it?

That seems like a bit crazy since we tend to fret over even the smallest of things not going our way.

I think Morrie was special, though. 

I hope only to be more like him. :)

Mitch once asked Morrie if he felt sorry for himself.

This was his response:

"Sometimes, in the mornings. Thats when I mourn. I feel around my body, I move my fingers and hands - whatever I can still move - and I mourn what I've lost. I mourn the slow, insidious way in which I'm dying. But then I stop mourning. I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life. On the people who are coming to see me. On the stories I'm going to hear. On you - if its Tuesday. Because we're Tuesday people."

It is okay to be hurt, to worry, to be sad, to struggle, to feel broken.

Just remember that you are alive and that you have purpose.

In the mist of what we face, I hope we remember that life is short.

(and. so. very. precious.)

Don't feel sorry for yourself.

Be proud. 

Be grateful.

Give thanks.

Smile often.

HAPPY, HAPPY TUESDAY!

much love, friends.

(PS) ---> Mitch said that visiting with his old professor was like 'a cleansing rinse of human kindness'. 

So don't just remember to be kind to others, but remember to be kind to yourself. 

If you have made it this far in your life, then you are doing good. 

Until next week's lesson ...

always love. always.

my heart is hurting tonight. 

my family & i just found out that a boy, who attended the local high school with my sister, shot himself earlier tonight.

-- in the head.

he had just turned 15 a few days ago. 

:'(

all i want to do is cry.

my heart literally aches for him.

both my sisters knew him.

he had a HUGE crush on my sister, amber.

they said he was a nice kid.

always trying to make others laugh.

the only thing i can think is "what?"

what made this young boy, with so many years ahead of him, feel so hopeless?

i promise you that i am not brave enough to ever take my own life.

i know this for sure.

& yet he did.

what must he have felt to do take his own life?

hurt? 

pain?

unloved?

unwanted?

unworthy?

helpless?

we are all a story.

a living story. 

& no one's story is the same.

we never truly know what someone is going through.

unless they so courageously decide to share it.

so i ask this of you all:

remember not to judge a book by it's cover.

remember to speak kind words.

remember to smile.

remember to show grace. 

remember to be compassionate.

& please, PLEASE ....

remember to LOVE. 

-colie

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